Maybe I can't . . .

do it all. Those are words of heresy from someone of the era when we were taught that we could have it all, do it all.  I've been feeling overwhelmed the past two months.  And its easy to blame it on work.  Too many deadlines, both external and self-imposed. But when I take a closer look, I realize it is all the other stuff I'm trying to do at the same time.  Things that really aren't that important and take my time and energy away from what is meaningful. I think information overload is part of the problem, too.  The internet is great, but it can also sap my energy and time.

Okay, deep breath.  Maybe I don't really want to "do it all".  Time to let go of some things. Change my focus from "doing" to "being".

A Gift

I received a beautiful gift for my birthday a few weeks ago.  A silver bracelet. I'm not much for jewelry - no rings, necklaces or bracelets adorn my body.  The pierced holes in my ears have long since closed up. Yet this was a special gift from a special person and I wanted to honor that. So I have decided to make it my "mindfulness" bracelet.  I use it as a reminder to stop, breathe, smile and appreciate my many blessings. Every time I become aware of the bracelet throughout the day, it centers me. So this really was a special gift - and much more than just a beautiful bracelet.

Living for . . . Tomorrow

That's what I've been doing for months now. Putting things off to a future date when all my deadlines are passed and I'll have time. I've been working on a book for the past 6 months and it is finally finished and off to the publisher. I've been telling myself, "If I can just get by until May, then I'll have some free time." This is a familiar story for me.  I get crazy with deadlines and look forward to a future date when I have fewer commitments.  But the funny thing is, somehow that future date never comes. New commitments appear to fill in the "free" time.

How do I let myself get caught up in this cycle?  You might say that I should say "no" more often or give up some things.  Well I have been much better about doing that.  But I've realized that I am a workaholic.  I love what I do and I thrive on deadlines (for the most part!)  Yet I also believe in living in the present. And when I'm focused on "getting by", I'm not living in the present.   I suppose it's all about balance.  Finding a way to keep that sense of presence in my daily life while still working toward my commitments.  That is what I strive for, and it's clear that I will be walking this path for awhile longer.

Hill Country Retreat

I spent a few days at a cabin in the hill country last week. This was something I'd been looking forward to for a few months - a few days in the peace and quiet, with no to-do's, no schedules. The photo above is the view from our patio. We stayed at a wonderful little cabin that was fairly secluded.

The weather was a nice respite from the two months of 100 degree weather we had this summer. We even got our fire "fix" with the outdoor fireplace.

We brought a few DVDs, some games and lots to read. I was a little concerned that I would be bored. It's hard for me to spend a lot of time not "doing" anything. As it turned out, the time went by very fast. I spent most of the time outside on the patio. The view was great and there was a hummingbird feeder with a lot of action. I found that I really didn't read that much, I enjoyed watching the wildlife.

The time there reminded me how important nature is to my peace of mind. Although I love San Antonio, I miss the variety of natural areas we had in the Chicago suburbs. There were 5 different natural areas within a 10 minute drive of my apartment. Some were small, but they provided an oasis in the middle of the concrete suburbs. Here I have to drive 15-30 minutes to get to one of the parks. But this trip made me realize it is worth the time and effort to do so. Even 20 minutes in the woods can lighten my soul. So now, this week, as I get back to my schedules and to-do's, I feel a bit more contented, lighter and have a smile on my face.

10,000 Flowers

Looking at our wildflower garden yesterday, I was reminded of one of my favorite poems.

Ten thousand flowers in spring

The moon in autumn

A cool breeze in summer

Snow in winter.

If your mind isn't clouded by unnecessary things

this is the best season of your life.

-Wu-Men

I came across this poem about fifteen years ago, and was immediately drawn to it. It's interesting how my interpretation of it has evolved over the years. When I first heard it, I looked at it in more of a big picture way. Throughout my life, I have always felt that the best time of my life was where I was at then. I know it seems unlikely that life just keeps getting better, but in my experience, it does. While I have fond memories of the past and I may go through difficult times, I seem to have become more content, happy and peaceful as my life journey has progressed. I hope it continues that way!

When I read the poem now, I see it as a lesson in presence. That is something that has been an important part of my learning the past few years - the ability to just be in the moment rather than letting my runaway thoughts take over my life. As Eckhart Tolle says (paraphrased), "In this moment, you have no problems." It is hard not to be grateful and full of joy when you can stop the incessant thoughts crowding your head and be present with whatever you are doing. Hear the songs of the migrating birds, feel the cool breeze on your face, see the beauty of a cat reclined in the sun, savor the taste of a ripe tomato fresh from the garden, smell the aroma of fresh basil pesto - these are all things that give me joy. Yet I can't enjoy them unless I stop the thinking and simply be.

What does this poem mean to you? I'd love to see your comments.