In Julia Cameron's book, The Artist's Way, she talks about crazy makers. These are people who, for a variety of reasons, make you crazy. They sap your energy, add to your self-doubts and generally make you miserable. I've known my share of crazy makers over the years, but I've recently begun to wonder if we are our own worst crazy makers.
A fellow artist was relating a story about a really exciting speaking opportunity that will give her work exposure to many fine art galleries nationwide. She was relating her story about the ups and downs of how it all came to be. Along with that was the adult artist's version of the daisy petal game "He loves me, he loves me not." In relating her communications with the event organizer, she waffled back and forth between "They like my work, they hate my work." During the "they hate my work" periods, she interpreted slow replies and other glitches as lack of interest in her work. Don't we all do that at times - project meaning or intention on another's actions based on our self doubts?
The same day that I heard her story, I had a discussion with another artist and my "he loves me not" voice kicked in. I found myself reading all kinds of negative things into the conversation. When I got home I tried to figure out what was going on. I realized that, based on my history with that person, she probably did not have mean intentions. I just read something into her words that wasn't there. My insecurities came out and colored the way I heard her comments.
Have you ever experienced this? How are you your own crazy maker?
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I have a friend (and yes she is a friend) who consistantly dislikes everything I like. If I like a restaurant, she finds it ordinary; a movie, she thought it was boring. I begin to wonder if my tastes are really ordinary and dull. But I have learned to laugh at this and I try to do the same with my "crazy" voice. Naming it and laughing at it puts it in perspective--most of the time.
ReplyDeleteSeeing your work at the show made it worthwhile. I lost track of you and didn't get to tell you so in person.....
I think it's great that you can remain friends even with your differences. I think we get too polarized and often can't accept others for their differences. And laughing at your "crazy" voice is great. Only when we are aware of it can we overcome or ignore it!
DeleteAnd thanks for your words about the exhibit. It was great to see your pieces in person!
I think we all experience the self-doubt that you're talking about - more so at any other time when it involves something that's important to our self-image or in an area that exposes our vulnerabilities i.e. - our art making!
ReplyDeleteI think it's part of the human condition, but we all just have to remember to give our heads a shake, and invest the time in culling crazy-making friends and developing friendships with the people who are are equal to every bit of faith, hope and love we pour into them.
Friendship is hard work it's true, but life is short, so surround yourself with people who are worth the time you invest in them. Inclduing yourself!
You are right, Kit. We are more vulnerable about our art (or other things that are really important to us). I recently had a conversation with another artist related to your last comment. My friend wondered if she was being selfish by keeping some "friends" at arms length. I agree - life is too short to spend time with those who drain our energy. It's not selfish to limit our time with them - it's vital to our own peace of mind!
DeleteI just started the Julia Cameron book. I'm challenging myself to follow the format of lessons, daily writing, and artist dates. I'm looking forward to this, but I also have to deal with a part, read "crazy-making self", that tells me negative things based on self-history. I'm sure this will spark some conversation with you.
ReplyDeleteA lot of Cameron's work is focused on helping artists work through that negative self-talk. I hope you enjoy the book - it is work, but it is worthwhile!
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